Live in the Moment

Why is it so hard to live in the moment?  Why do I always seem to look forward to the next thing, waiting for things to be brighter and happier?  Yesterday I had a great day.  Today, I feel like crying. I am wondering more and more if I need to go back on my anxiety medication.

The homily at Mass yesterday got me thinking about how I don't live in the moment very well.  The deacon told a story about a woman who was first "dying to graduate high school" then "dying to get married" then, "dying for the kids to grow up so she could go back to work" and then, yes, you guessed it, she was just plain "dying". He said that it was on her death bed that she realized she never really "lived each day".  So now I wonder, why is it SO hard to live in the moment?  

I came home from Mass and went to my little daughter, who was crying when I walked in the door.  My husband stayed home with her and we've been going to different Mass times since she was born.  I think we'll start going all three of us soon.  ANYWAY, I went straight to sweet G and picked her up and soaked in all her crying, red face and all, and just told my honey how much I love her.  I really wanted to live the moment.  The crying, the uncertainty and all.  Everything.  I don't want to wish any of it away for an easier time with her anymore.  I don't even want to wish the many many bottle that pile up in our kitchen away.  I don't want to wish the uncertain nap times, feeding times or even the formula that I have to dump out because G didn't want to finish that last 1 1/2 oz. and the hour of expiration has come.  I don't want to wish even that away for some easier, cleaner, less busy time.  There will always be things that make me uncomfortable, I think that's just life. Now to learn  to embrace this beautiful, messy life and live each moment to the fullest.

It's Back

My period, that is. I never planned on having it come so soon after giving birth. Ah, the joys of bottle feeding.

Thankfully it's very light and not painful.  Hmm. It just dawned on me that this may not be considered my first real period.  Anyone have any information on how you'll know when it's back?

I still have moments where I mourn not breastfeeding G.  Getting my period back is definitely one of those moments. Not to mention, the entering in of thoughts like, will we be able to conceive again? Was looking forward to not wondering that for at least a good year. Now the question will stare me in the face again each month. I thought having a baby would completely erase those thoughts, but I guess they are normal for someone who has waited.

I'm trying so hard to be grateful and live in the moment.  I feel determined to live my life differently. God has blessed  me with a daughter.  He has heard the prayer of my heart. I must sing of His goodness forever!!!

How things are going

I have been meaning to update you all on how things have been going.  Well, breastfeeding is not going. At all.  I stopped pumping and have finally been feeling peace about it.  It was hard this past weekend though, because we had to switch formulas.  G is not tolerating the cow's milk in the formula.  It's no big surprise, though, since I have been avoiding dairy for almost two years now and my husband and his whole family are lactose intolerant.  I guess our house will officially be a dairy free household.

When we decided to switch to a different formula, all my feelings of guilt surrounding not breastfeeding resurfaced.  It was a rough weekend, but we all made it through and now G seems to be very happy with her new formula.  I feel like I'm finally experiencing what a true newborn acts like.  She naps on and off all day now, and eats happily.  She wasn't colic-y before, but she seemed to need consoling all.the.time. Some days she wouldn't nap at all and when she did, she would wake at the slightest noise.  Now I think that was all due to her being in pain from the dairy.  She is napping in the same room as me now, and my typing is not waking her up.  Praise the Lord.

It's hard to believe she is seven weeks now.  Feb. 9th we have her two month appointment.  She has been gaining weight wonderfully.  At her one month she was 9 lbs and 1oz, and 21.5 inches long!  My little sweetheart is getting so big already! In fact, I've had to put some of her clothes away in bags already because they're too small!

We also had her baptism in early January.  It was a wonderful day and she slept through the whole ceremony!  We weren't sure how she'd do, so we put some milicon (infant gas drops) into her bottle.  I think that may have helped, because she was soundly sleeping and looked so peaceful.

I've been feeling better emotionally, too.  Thank you all for your prayers for us!  I hope to be better at updating on how we're doing now that I have some time during her naps.