This post from Perfect Power in Weakness, has got me thinking about my own trust level with God. While I don't have the same past experiences as she writes about, I know I need to learn to trust God more. By the way, if you could offer a prayer for PPIW, I know she would appreciate it! She has such a beautiful soul and I really admire her honesty and her growing trust with God. I have so much to learn from her.
Being pregnant was what I prayed and wanted for so long, and now that I am expecting a baby, I feel so scared. I still have doubts about if I will be a good mother and if our baby will be born healthy and safely. These doubts may sound silly to most people reading this, but to me they are real and scary. I'm finally carrying a child and in no time at all this baby will be on the outside and will have needs and wants more important than my own. And that's what is so scary. Will I be able to meet those needs? Will I be sleep deprived and crabby all the time? I want so badly to be a good mother that I think I'm forgetting what motherhood boils down to. I think, but am not positive, that it boils down to love. I pray God fills me with His love so I am overflowing with it and my baby receives it unconditionally.
I think what's hard right now is that I'm still feeling sick. I haven't thrown up in almost a week, but I feel like I need to fairly often. I struggle to find foods that appeal to me and lately I have been waking up about three times at night to snack and ask my husband to roll over to help quiet his snoring. I feel physically and emotionally weak and I think it's been coloring all my thoughts about the future and is the source of my doubts and worries.
Dear Jesus, I long to trust you with my whole heart and my whole soul. I want to have an unconditional trust in your love for me so that nothing, literally, nothing, shakes me. I know this is what You desire me to have, so please give me Your graces now. Today is a special day for me. Two years ago today I gave my life to my husband and said yes to your loving plans for us. You, in turn, gave me a peace beyond anything I could have ever asked for. Please give me that same peace, trust and simple joy that I long for now. Thank you, in advance, from the bottom of this little heart of mine.
Happy Anniversary!!!
ReplyDeleteI think sleep makes all the difference in the world as far as a good attitude. You will have times you will lose your patience, but you will love your baby SO much, it will be better than you imagine to give yourself wholly to them.
You will be a great mom!!!
Don't worry, you are normal. :) EVERYBODY has those fears, I have them too. In fact, I don't know of anybody who didn't have them! Trusting in God is the way to go--He's taken care of us this far, and He's not going to stop. :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome reflection! Thanks for the shout out. I have no doubt that by the end of your pregnancy, you WILL have grown in your trust. I'm certain of it. I'm at 39 weeks and still find worry thoughts about baby's health or safety pass through my mind. That is normal. I think the key is what you do with those thoughts/how you manage them.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm definitely uncertain how I'm going to handle motherhood, even though I have prayed for it for so long. I'm trusting that God will give me the tools or people around me to help me navigate the new role. He will do the same for you as well.
And I'm also a person who loves my sleep. I used to be so unbearable without enough good sleep, but after a few weeks of not sleeping well, I haven't been too crabby or out of sorts (my DH's words even)! I think our bodies change to adapt better to less sleep while pregnant and then when baby is here because this is not how I used to be.
Soon you will be out of the 1st trimester and feeling better! Hang in there. What you're experiencing and feeling is normal. Hugs, Mama!