Down Syndrome?

Todays ultrasound has brought up so many emotions.  We found out we're having a girl (see my last post)!! We also found out that our baby has two soft markers for down syndrome. 

I've been happy, really happy, and I've also cried a few times today.  I couldn't believe it was me sitting with my doctor and my husband discussing the likelihood of our baby being born with down syndrome.  It was surreal.  Obviously we are keeping our sweet baby no matter what, and I was making that known to the doctor - again, something I never pictured myself having to do - and she was supportive of us not doing further testing since it won't change anything about our decision.  I'm glad she was supportive, but just that thought that we have a "choice" in some kind of "decision" is super upsetting to me.  Our baby is alive and growing, what the heck kind of a "choice" is there except to continue prenatal care and deliver my baby into this world???  I don't care what is wrong with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Gosh, I really wish our doctor hadn't even told us anything.  What does it profit us to know that there could be something wrong with the baby, unless of course there is something we can do to benefit and help support the baby's life.  Sometimes I hate knowledge so much.  It can so easily be used for evil instead of good and this is a perfect example.  A woman without knowledge of possible down syndrome with her baby has no thought or anxiety about whether she should keep the baby - in that case her ignorance is bliss.  But give her the knowledge that there is a possibility of her baby being born with down syndrome and the Devil can (and has and does!) do the rest by provoking her to fear, doubt and anxiety.  The devil wins when the parents abort their child because of the possibility of down syndrome.

This is why I am clinging to my faith.  My trust in Jesus and my hope in Him and the Blessed Mother to calm my anxiety.  Because I know the Devil is real and I know I am not ammune to fear and anxiety.  Please do not misunderstand my post.  There is no "choice" for us, we are keeping our sweet baby no matter what.  We have been blessed beyond belief with this precious life and we are going to meet her in early December!  But I do know myself, and I do fall prey to anxiety and fear.  I've already caught myself thinking that there must be something wrong with me if our baby does have down syndrome.  There must be something that I did wrong.  It's this kind of fear that I am struggling with now.  Not any "decision" or "what I should do now".  The devil is going to get me where he knows he can.  And with me it's usually always with self-doubt, feeling mad at myself, and becoming sad.

You're probably wondering what the soft markers were that they found today.  One was calcium on the heart.  Apparently this can go away and often does, and in and of itself it is not harmful to the baby at all.  But pair it with another soft marker for down syndrome and they start to worry you.  The other marker was cysts on the brain.  Like the first marker, this one can most likely go away in a few weeks, and as it is, is not harmful in and of itself to the baby's brain or anything.  It's just that the two markers together (calcium deposits on the heart and cysts found on the brain) can point to a more serious underlying problem with the baby, basically a chromosomal abnormality. 

I've been searching online about this...and I'm not even sure why.  Nothing is going to change our mind about anything (I feel like I can't say that enough!), I think I'm just craving to be put at ease somehow.  Has anyone had any markers for down syndrome come up on their ultrasound?  Does anyone know what the most common marker(s) is/are? 

I feel guilty even caring so much.  I mean, I will love our baby no matter what.  So why do I seek so many answers?  I'm not aware of anything that "heals" down syndrome.  From what I know, a person either has it or they don't.  I guess I'm just kind of shocked at the news.  I feel like this is a true test for me of not giving into the temptation to fear, feel guilty, be mad at myself, cry, and so on. 

Please say a prayer for me!  And please pray that the soft markers mean nothing and that our baby will continue to grow!!  Sweet baby girl, we all want to meet you in December!!!