Appointment number 2

It's been a little while since I've posted.  We had our second meeting with my Napro doctor this past Friday.  She was really happy with my chart, so of course that made me really happy too.  I am going to try to gain some weight, per her request, but want to gain mostly from fruit, nut and vegetable fats.  Avocados and flax seed and other good sources of healthy fats are on my list.  Besides that, she wants my husband to have a semen analysis and me to have a tube test.  She suggested both those tests before any further blood work and ultrasounds for me.  I know it's really rare, but I'm afraid that something will be wrong with my husbands test and there will be nothing they can do for us.  As a result of that fear, I feel like I'm not interested in knowing the results.  What if there is something wrong?  I don't want to think it is his fault nor do I want him to feel that way.  The truth is, infertility or sub fertility is no ones "fault".  God has allowed this for us and it isn't random.  His ways are purposeful and He alone has my greatest good in mind.  Trusting that, and remembering that too, is my job. 

On another note, my husband and I have our gifts for our secret santa exchange but I am again leaning towards not going.  Christmas is such a special time and I really want to make it meaningful and prayerful for the two of us.  It's making me sad thinking we'll be spending it with people whom aren't really on the same page as we are with faith and important things.  They are my extended family, so I love them all, but I want more than just to see them a couple times a year.  I want relationships with them, I want to share my feelings with them, my struggles, joys, and actually hang out with them besides holidays.  And of course, I want them to feel the same with me.  When we don't share the faith and other important values, it becomes really difficult to spend even a couple holidays together.

Oh yeah, and I mentioned the night sweats to my doctor and she wants to look into the root cause.  They started when I began my medication for anxiety, so I am almost certain the meds are causing them.  The doctor wants to see if the medicine isn't masking some hormonal imbalance.  I told my husband I would be so THRILLED if I could stop taking this medicine.  It helps my anxiety so much, but I have always kind of been anti medicine.  It pretty much took a miracle to get me to try it in the first place.  Then when it helped my anxiety so much I was really happy I tried it.  But the night sweats and also the fact that it just isn't natural are what bother me now.  Prayer buddy, if you're reading this, please pray that my problem is something hormonal.  Then if I can get my hormones in balance naturally, I could possibly help my anxiety without medication and also achieve a pregnancy!  Pray hard, buddy, because I'm counting on you!!!!!  :)  No pressure!  hehe  And thanks in advance for all your prayers.  I don't know you yet, but I am greatful for you!

God bless you all and good night!