Hope

I'm happy to report that our wood stove is in and working well.  I spent the morning trying to get a fire going, but the few pieces of wood we had were kind of wet, so it took a few tries.  But it finally worked, the fire started and didn't burn out.  It even got up to 375 degrees or so!  We have a magnetic thermometer that helps us gauge the temp. of the fire.  We needed to build three "starter" fires, each with it's own max. temp. that increased with each fire.  The point, I guess, is to not have too hot a fire right away, but to slowly build to a clean burning hot fire.  I feel like an expert already! haha


I haven't written much about the part time job I started with a direct selling company.  I guess that's because I'm still kind of unsure of how much I want to do this.  The thing is, I bought my starter kit and even attended someone's show so I could "shadow" her.  So, I'm going through the motions of this part time job and I am still unsure of myself inside.  I'm afraid to hold shows and ask people if they will host shows for me.  Maybe it will get easier as time goes on and I do more home shows, but as for now, I don't know how I feel.  Even though my husband did get that "compression" raise recently, we could always use extra money coming in to help clear our credit cards and loans faster.  So I'm stuck again being unsure of what I want to do.  Why does this always happen to me?  I have three shows lined up for January, but no shows in December.  A part of me feels like I need to book more shows, and then the other part of me doesn't want to because I'm afraid to be in front of people selling a product!  I know, it's kind of silly.  I guess deep down I'm a little embarrassed to be working with a direct selling company.  And I still feel a little like a failure.  Why can't I be letting people know I'm expecting?  Just like all my friends seem to be.  I guess I can offer these feelings up for my prayer buddy right now.  I know Jesus knows what it's like to feel humiliated and embarrassed.  My feelings are so petty compared to what He went through out of love for me.  It is still hard though, I still want Him to take these feelings away and replace them with joyful ones.  Prayer buddy, I am giving this all for you today.  You have my prayers for your intentions!  I also want you to know that I included you in a prayer intentions list we have at our adoration chapel.  It's so nice to have someone to offer my struggles and sadness up for.

In turn, I'm asking my prayer buddy to please help me to have hope that my husband and I will have a baby someday.  Please pray for me to have hope in God's plan for my life.  Thank you!!!