Late Night

Ugh. I can't sleep. I was so fumed earlier over an email I received from a relative of mine. My husband and I were all set to go to a friends house and I knew I shouldn't read the email before we left, but did it anyway. When will I learn? As expected, my whole mood went from great to terrible in no time. I've gotten upset after reading emails from this same person in the past, so I really should've known better. Sometimes I just can't help it and my curiosity wins.
So now I can't sleep and I'm downstairs reading some of the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend (sp?) I feel like I've referenced this book a lot recently because of this relative of mine. But I must say, it's a good book, especially if you are like me and find it hard to say no to someone, stand your ground, not feel guilty and all that good stuff.
I realized that it was my problem I was so upset with her email, and that I am the only one who can take responsibility for my feelings. She isn't making me feel anything. That may seem obvious to some of you, but for me it's something I keep having to remind myself over and over again. So when she writes things that seem to imply that she thinks her and her husband are holier because of all the struggles their going through, it hurts, but that doesn't mean it's true. God is the judge of holiness; humans are not. And since when is bragging about your holiness or the heavy crosses that you bear something that automatically makes you saintly? Humility is key. Take Saint Therese for example. All the other nuns in her convent thought she was just another nun. Nothing special about Sister Therese, she became a nun, lived in a convent, and died - I think that's what another nun described her as. Little did they know the interior life of this nun. For that's where it all happened. Not for the world to see or judge. And certainly, Therese wasn't talking about herself as if she were anything special. In fact, she decided inwardly that she could never possibly be a "great" saint, she could only be a humble little flower for God. Oh, there is so much beauty to her spirituality, I could go on forever. And, look, she's been made Doctor of the Church! She must have had something right.
I reread the email again and it didn't make me as mad this time. Gosh, I'm so glad I didn't reply back with what I had wanted to at the time. My sensible husband can be thanked for that one, because it wouldn't have been too charitable of me! Sigh. Oh dear Jesus, please help me not pay attention to the emails that upset me. Please help me to guard my heart and keep my boundaries with this person because my peace is so easily upset by her. My peace is too precious, I need to be watchful. Please help me avoid those ways and please help me to keep my focus on you! You are my judge and you know my heart.